As one who craves deep, meaningful, authentic relationships, vulnerability is a requirement. That means I must willingly put myself in a position where the potential to be hurt is high.
Now as you can imagine, that lends itself to potentially being taken advantage of and thus victimized. But it is that risk that brings the thrill and the potential payoff.
Unfortunately, we can lose sight of the risk-reward ratio and opt to skip vulnerability in favor of victimization. Sounds crazy, I know, but being a victim does offer some short-term comfort and can enable some perceived control. But at the end of the day, being a victim actually means handing over your power to someone else for your happiness. And that form of self-soothing through means of self-pity ultimately closes you off to solutions and lessens your awareness of what is possible.
Another problem with opting to be a victim (and I do say opting for a reason because we choose our perspectives) is that it can become highly addictive. Blaming, feeling sorry for ourselves and self-pity can become habit-forming very easily and all forms of victimization are deceptively short-term comfort, but long-term imprisonment. So beware of allowing vulnerability to slip over to victimization OR for just opting to be a victim in order to get some emotional needs met.
Now we all do it from time to time. And it sure can be a fight when someone has really taken advantage of you. Don’t I know it. I really have spent far too much time there. But those who catch themselves and disallow that perspective for more than just a short time more quickly return to a place of power and confidence finding solutions forward. In short, they are empowered not imprisoned.
You see…vulnerability…being transparent about what does hurt or scare you WITHOUT blame or self-pity or selfish demands is powerful! That perspective and position open a heightened awareness and two-way transference of solutions and growth. You are drawing rather than repelling. Vulnerability demonstrates enormous trust. I find it easier with greater closeness to God, one who is bigger than me, more powerful, and has my greater good in mind.
So why am I making a point about the two?
Because the two can easily be confused and there is a fine line.
If you are not sure if you are being vulnerable or victimized, ask those closest to you to honestly and lovingly help you to see it or just take a look at how others respond to you. Do they draw close in your tender moments or seem to be disappointingly absent?
Vulnerability is the gateway to so many wonderful and sometimes scary things. But it is a must for close, connected relationships and wholehearted living. And both are requirements for living your vision.
Here’s to living vulnerably and fully!
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