(The importance of building your personal life alongside your professional goals by growing your Emotional Intelligence)
Since we are a culture that is all about expediency, enthralled with “hacks” and short-cuts and “20 minutes to a happier…..”, we often opt for letting go of one portion of life to grab hold of another.
Later, however, we wake up and find an important part of our life has been left behind. Sadly for many top men and women professionals, the portion that gets left behind is their personal life development.
Even the way we raise our children is evidence of this. We ask our kids what they want to be when they grow up and what we are actually asking is for some sort of professional title—not what character or personal attributes they admire and want to emulate.
We subtly instill the thought that it is impossible to be successful professionally and develop our personal lives simultaneously. As humans we tend to think either/or. Something is either “good” OR “bad”; “right” OR “wrong”. It is hard for us to conceive of good and bad, happy and sad co-existing. We see people as either smart and strong OR kind and weak. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is not valued, but rather intellectual intelligence (IQ) is. Emotional Intelligence is connected to self awareness, self management, social awareness and relationship management.
EQ is not something we study in school and the importance of it is often overlooked (though without realizing it, a child’s EQ often determines the quality of the education he or she receives. For example, a student who is very intelligent but not self-aware or socially aware may struggle to fit into typical school structures. That student may therefore have a harder time even though his IQ is superior.)
Granted—teaching emotional development as well as intellectual development may slow things down in the short run. But if we don’t teach both, what can we expect in the long run? What is the EQ in your office? Or your home? Is it something valued and/or developed?
I personally have felt a loss of not growing up in a family that valued EQ as well as IQ. Both my uncles were Ivy League graduates and successful professionals, yet family life and relationship building—which requires emotional intelligence-was all but neglected. As a result (I believe) both my uncles died alone and, I dare say, a lot less financially successful than they could have been. The divorces and offenses cost them both socially and financially, not to mention the cost to our family.
In the past emotional intelligence has been relegated to either “you have it or you don’t”. But that is not entirely true. Emotional intelligence can be taught and learned and developed. My husband is a great example of this. He often tells this story about when he was a young naval officer he hosted an (optional) BBQ one Saturday for everyone in his command and only about 30% showed up. Just last week, years later, as a performance coach doing some R&D for one of his programs he asked for volunteers for an all day Saturday event and he had a waiting list of participants. He’s learned a lot and come along way in his EQ.
“And with 90% of top performers high in EQ, and EQ twice as important as IQ in getting where you want to go in life, who can afford to ignore it?” (Emotional Intelligence 2.0)
As a culture that really needs to build cohesive professional and family lives, I believe it is time to make sure personal development as well as professional development is built into our lives. Being able to develop both takes some additional assistance, especially since the personal development side of things is not taught in schools, nor emphasized in corporate situations. Neither can be learned in a vacuum or on-line. These healthy character and personal relationship building skills must be intentionally pursued, taught and practiced to gain proficiency. And with 58% of our professional life falling within the EQ realm and 100% of our personal life falling within the area of EQ, who can afford to ignore this?
Building skill in both personal and professional areas will be slower, certainly, but what, after all, is the rush? What good is professional success with no one to share it? Get the help and take the time to build both. It’s your life we’re talking about.
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