“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.” ~John W. Gardner
“Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.” ~ Helen Keller
“A feeling of pity for yourself because you believe you have suffered more than is fair or reasonable…”
Just to recap, self-pity is defined by:
- An inability to accept a situation or circumstance in your life.
- Cogitating over your issues and troubles constantly.
- Dejectedness, gloominess and depression.
- The feeling that you’re a victim of something or someone (e.g. the “persecution complex”).
- The unexpressed thirst for the sympathy and affection of others.
Self-Pity is a Choice
If we blame negative circumstances for our place in life, we are giving up responsibility and control.
Self Pity/feel sorry for self –→ Victim of someone or something else -→ Blame -→Powerlessness TRAP -→ (Repeat)
11 Signs That You Chronically Self-Pity
Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world. ~ Helen Keller
So, are you a self-pitying person … or rather, how much of a self-pitying person are you? Find out below.
#1 You find it hard to laugh at life and at yourself.
Taking yourself too seriously, and finding it difficult to laugh at your predicaments and defeats is a tell-tale sign of self-pity. Beware.
#2 You tend to crave for drama.
In truth, you’re a little bit of a Drama Queen and tend to have a melodramatic streak to you. Usually this stems from extremist types of thinking (e.g. black-and-white, all-or-nothing mindsets).
#3 You tend to crave for sympathy.
Self-pity is so addictive because it gives us the momentary pleasure of being supported, cared for and emotionally pampered. This is a dangerous, highly maladaptive way of developing emotional bonds and connections with other people.
#4 You tend to be an individualist.
Self-pity is one of the most effective ways of keeping yourself separate and independent from the friends, family and people around you.
#5 You tend to be a past-orientated person.
Some people live in the present, others in the future, and still others in the past. Self-pity is inextricably linked to past-focused mindsets that dwell on past events.
#6 You have low self-esteem.
People with low self-esteem tend to crave the acceptance and affection of other people as a way of feeling better about themselves. The mask of self-pity that constantly promotes its tragic-life-story campaign is an excellent way of collecting flocks of unsuspecting supporters.
#7 You have a melancholic temperament.
I’ve written about the melancholic, sanguine, choleric and phlegmatic temperaments before. The melancholic temperament in particular is given to bouts of brooding and deep introspection, which can serve as a perfect breeding ground for self-pity.
#8 Deep down, you don’t believe you’re worthy of love.
This stems from low self-esteem and creates a cycle of self-destructive behaviour. Self-pity is one of the greatest tools for the self-destructive person. It creates self-fulfilling prophecies, and alienates all the people you love and admire from you.
#9 You have an unhealthy habit of being self-absorbed.
Quite simply, the more self-absorbed you are, the more likely you are to fall into the trap of self-pity.
#10 You have a strong fighting instinct.
This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what you choose to use it for. When used in a negative sense, the fighting instinct is used to battle against life, to fight against the tide, and to fight against accepting reality.
#11 You subconsciously feel guilty.
Often times self-pity is an unconscious way of avoiding taking responsibility for personal actions or decisions made in the past. When we find it too difficult to accept the wrong that we’ve committed, sometimes we tend to hide from it by making ourselves the victims, rather than other people. In this case, self-pity is the perfect cowardly self-defense mechanism.
How to slay the demon of “Self pity”?
Self-Pity is a Choice
when self-pity is made a habit of, it not only impedes the progress we make in life, but it creates self- destructive cycles of self -sabotage.
You can choose to lift yourself up and enjoy life! You are in charge of your own happiness. It is your personal responsibility.
Once a person realizes he has choices, it’s a lot harder for him to blame others for his actions, or lack thereof.
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