Say what you want but there is nothing more devastating to YOUR dream and YOUR God-given destiny than self-pity. Like radon gas, it subtly sneaks in and asphyxiates hope, courage, intention and worst of all…faith.
Because self-pity is so common, it is also quite acceptable (often disguised as self-love). But that means it is often undetectable.
When many are doing something like smoking in the 50’s & 60’s, it somehow comes into fashion. But just because it is “in” doesn’t mean it is good for us. Self-pity, like smoking, initially brings about comfort, but in the long term, is a killer.
Another problem with self-pity is that it is embarrassing to admit, so we don’t tend to want to see this in ourselves. So you may not think of yourself as a self-pitying person but rather just deeply in touch or empathetic, but beware and believe me – we can and do fall prey to this from time to time.
And the danger of it is two-fold.
1) It is a quick fix for negative feelings, so, therefore, is highly addictive.
2) It is not easily discernable by its victim; though it has profound effects on those around them.
“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.” ~ John W. Gardner
“Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.” ~ Helen Keller
The definition of Self-Pity: A feeling of pity for yourself because you believe you have suffered more than is fair or reasonable.
Additionally, self-pity is defined by:
- An inability to accept a situation or circumstance in your life.
- Cogitating over your issues and troubles constantly.
- Dejectedness, gloominess and depression.
- The feeling that you’re a victim of something or someone.
- The unexpressed thirst for the sympathy and affection of others.
However, if we blame negative circumstances for our place in life, we are giving up responsibility and control.
Self-Pity (feel sorry for self) ➡️ Victim of someone or something else ➡️ Blame ➡️ Powerlessness TRAP ➡️ (Repeat)
11 Signs That You Chronically Self-Pity
So, are you a self-pitying person … or rather, how much of a self-pitying person are you? Find out below.
#1 You find it hard to laugh at life and at yourself.
Taking yourself too seriously, and finding it difficult to laugh at your predicaments and defeats is a tell-tale sign of self-pity. Beware.
#2 You tend to crave drama.
In truth, you’re a little bit of a drama queen and tend to have a melodramatic streak to you. Usually this stems from extremist types of thinking (e.g. black-and-white, all-or-nothing mindsets).
#3 You tend to crave sympathy.
Self-pity is so addictive because it gives us the momentary pleasure of being supported, cared for and emotionally pampered. This is a dangerous, highly maladaptive way of developing emotional bonds and connections with other people.
#4 You tend to be an individualist.
Self-pity is one of the most effective ways of keeping yourself separate and independent from the friends, family, and people around you.
#5 You tend to be a past-orientated person.
Some people live in the present, others in the future, and still others in the past. Self-pity is inextricably linked to past-focused mindsets that dwell on past events.
#6 You have low self-esteem.
People with low self-esteem tend to crave the acceptance and affection of other people as a way of feeling better about themselves. The mask of self-pity that constantly promotes its tragic-life-story campaign is an excellent way of collecting flocks of unsuspecting supporters.
#7 You have a melancholic temperament.
The melancholic temperament, in particular, is given to bouts of brooding and deep introspection, which can serve as a perfect breeding ground for self-pity.
#8 Deep down, you don’t believe you’re worthy of love.
This stems from low self-esteem and creates a cycle of self-destructive behavior. Self-pity is one of the greatest tools for a self-destructive person. It creates self-fulfilling prophecies and alienates all the people you love and admire from you.
#9 You have an unhealthy habit of being self-absorbed.
Quite simply, the more self-absorbed you are, the more likely you are to fall into the trap of self-pity.
#10 You have a strong fighting instinct.
This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what you choose to use it for. When used in a negative sense, the fighting instinct is used to battle against life, to fight against the tide, and to fight against accepting reality.
#11 You subconsciously feel guilty.
Often times self-pity is an unconscious way to avoid taking responsibility for personal actions or decisions made in the past. When we find it too difficult to accept the wrong that we’ve committed, sometimes we tend to hide from it by making ourselves the victims, rather than other people. In this case, self-pity is the perfect cowardly self-defense mechanism.
Excerpted from article from www.LonerWolf.com
That was a lot I know but … The Good News:
Self-Pity is a Choice
You can choose to lift yourself up and enjoy life! You control what you focus on and the thoughts you allow to reside in your mind. Therefore, you are in charge of your own happiness. And believe it or not, it is your personal responsibility.
Once a person realizes she has choices, it’s a lot harder for her to blame others for her actions, or lack thereof and a lot easier to get into action toward solutions.
So choose wisely what you allow to enter your mind. What are your greatest influences? How do you start your day?
We will be discussing how to obtain greater mental fitness in our upcoming emails and definitely in our upcoming Vision Talks. So be on the lookout for some more great FREE resources to help you LIVE YOUR VISION.
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