Ever felt like someone is ‘getting under your skin’? What does that expression even mean?
Very literally in my mind, it means, too close for comfort…invading my space…disrupting my “chi”. 😊
In the words of the urban dictionary, it can mean annoying, irritating, unsettling or even that you are drawn to them and can’t stop thinking about them.
Either way, this is a signal to pause and explore. To me it is always more about me than the other person even though everything in me wants to point the finger and say “If you would just… I’d be fine,” but I believe there is more to it than that. I believe God is revealing an area of growth for me, another opportunity to get to know myself better and thus understand His transformational love better.
Too often, we 1st world modernists seek to avoid discomfort rather than calmly looking into it, learning and growing from it. With the pace we move, we can easily justify dismissal or removal. “After all, I just don’t have time to deal with this irritating individual.” See how quickly I can assign blame? And BTW, I am a confessed conflict avoider, so that too makes dismissal and blame my easy go-to’s. But, keeps me stunted.
So what I have learned is it takes more love on my part to deal with people that “get under my skin” rather than just avoid and move away from them. Remember the characteristics of love…patient, kind, not boastful, not proud or rude, not self-seeking, nor easily angered, rejoices with truth, trusts, protects, and hopes…Love never fails. (1 Cor. 13)
And as I sit here now, I know I have to love someone more and have the conversation I dread for them and for me because it is a more mature form of love than I am comfortable with just yet. But when I lean in to the fact that it’s in love and for love that I will push myself through the discomfort, I find added strength.
“Perfect love really does drive out fear.” (1 John 4:18) Remember the word perfect really means mature; not without flaw.
Bottom line: My love needs to mature. To have a more full-orbed and multi-faceted capacity to love is what this situation is calling me to and that will open another beautiful next chapter. Imagine if you had the confidence to lovingly deal with all sorts of people. Think of the doors that could open for them and for you.
With many things so uncertain, one thing we can control is our own personal growth. If you desire to grow personally and spiritually in a way that leads you to a beautiful next chapter regardless of external circumstances, then by all means let’s talk.
And growing in our capacity to love is definitely one of them.
PS: I can honestly say that when I have pushed myself to grow in forms of love that are not natural to me and have those difficult conversations, both of us have experienced new levels of connection to each other and growth in our own confidence. Instead of the dreaded ‘break up’, we bonded. This growth led to the birth of some of my best friendships, most powerful client relationships and a beautiful marriage. Who knew?
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